Now that there will be no more Iowa State football games on the Fox College Sports network of obscure DirecTV channels in the 600 range that I will need to watch this season (we are planning to go to this Saturday's final game in Ames against Missouri), I decided tonight would be a good time to call up my friendly DirecTV customer service robot and try to remove the sports package we're paying extra for. In fact, we've been paying extra for it for over a year since last fall, when I realized we would need to order it the day of the ISU - Iowa game so we could watch from home with my parents who were over for a visit. I've watched all of two away games on it since then.
And while I was at it, the time also seemed right to cancel the Showtime promotional package that we never use and which is now also costing us a little extra on each month's bill. Of course DirecTV makes it impossible (or at least, too hard for me) to cancel any service from their web site. After calling customer service and convincing the automated system that I wanted to reduce service (not "Add HBO" as it proposed in its sample voice command), I was not surprised to be transferred to a human Salesperson Customer Representative.
Fortunately, my days as a telefundraiser during my first summer break from college taught me the trick of surviving most simple phone-based sales interactions, which I shall refer to as The Three Strikes Rule. It basically amounts to holding your ground while the teenager on the other end of the line goes through his or her scripted questions to ensure that their supervisor does not yell at them later on for skipping any steps during their quality assurance reviews of the phone call recordings (yes, this happened to me).
Our conversation tonight went something like this:
Me: I would like to request a change to my service plan which will save me money and also hurt your company's bottom line.
Customer Representative: Oh, I am sorry to hear that, any particular reason why?
Me: I would like to stop paying extra for something I am not using. Strrrrrrrike One!
Customer Representative: Well, we can offer you a reduced premium deal for six months to keep your current package, in hopes that you'll be too lazy to call and cancel again for a few more months after the cost reverts to the normal pricing scheme.
Me: No thanks. Strrrrrrrike Two!
Customer Representative: Very good. We can also offer you a special deal on some other services that you didn't even ask for. Two for one special, a very good deal!
Me: No thanks. Strrrrrrrike Three!
Customer Representative: Ok then, one moment and I will make the changes you requested.
Me: Thank you. Yerrrrrr Outta Here!
And now I am saving $24 a month and the employee on the other end can clock out and go home to play X-Box 360. We both live happily ever after.
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